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  • Writer's pictureHans Petersen

Hyperbolosity

Updated: Feb 1, 2023

Hyperbolosity


Hyperbole: Extravagant exaggeration


Hy-per-bo-losity occurs when hyperbole spins out of control.

I first noticed this trend in a news article that said “Her dress will be remembered for centuries.”


I thought that was said in jest but reading further, it seemed some young writer, with a shaky grasp of the concepts of time, was actually so mesmerized by an actor’s dress that he decided its image would last for centuries.


It saddens me to think that some of the writer’s friends may tell him that, here, only months later, that they have already forgotten about “the dress.” He will probably think: “Oh. Maybe I should have just said …months.”


That’s when I noticed a “trend’ of these very generous descriptions. So, I started to collect them. These are all actual online headlines from 2022-2023:


(I take a screenshot of them and may do a coffee table book very soon. It will be a best seller…for centuries.)


Staying with the original theme:


Her Daring Dress at the VMAs Will Be Spoken About For Ages

[I suspect that may be the author of my first discovery.]


“Japandi” Why Japanese-Meets-Scandi design is taking over the internet

[I happen to be on “the internet” when this horrible (or great) thing happened and can truthfully confirm that my area of the internet was not taken over. My condolences to those who were…taken over.]


The Cosmetic Surgery procedure that everyone is suddenly talking about.

[Alerted to this phenomenon, I started listening carefully while in line at Wal-Mart and, sad to report, I never heard it mentioned. Suddenly or otherwise.]


A 1934 murder mystery’s pages were printed out of order. The world is obsessed.

[Checked with friends in Nigeria and relatives in Norway. Alas, they are not obsessed. But they asked for copies of the book.]


Why everyone is suddenly talking about buccal fat removal.

[Again, a Wal-Mart line eavesdropping survey indicated no sudden discussion of this topic. One lady at the bakery counter did ask how that is done.]


What are “nepo babies” and why is everyone talking about them?

[For a fair sampling, I listened in the line at the Piggly Wiggly for this one. Boy, not one mention. Interesting though that this one did not provoke “sudden” discussion.]

Trail Camera Image From Texas Shocks The Country

[Country apparently recovered from shock as newspaper was on time and the usual 56 cars were in line at Starbucks.]


Iconic photograph that made time stand still

[As a lapsed altar boy, I always thought an icon was a middle-ages religious triptych or something painted on wood. Today, the word is used as a substitute for popular or well known. Or any Taylor Swift song.]

[And to be fair, I did think time stood still at one point last week but it turned out to be just my antacid kicking in.]


Patriots lose to Raiders on the dumbest play in NFL history

[Given the current obsession with stats, I guess it was possible to quick search ALL the plays. They must not have found Garo Yepremian’s pass in Super Bowl VII.]


An Immortal World Cup final rewards Argentina’s Lionel Messi at last.

[Writer here missed a few Sunday School classes. Brings to mind Ned Beatty in Network: You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Mr. Beale. Props to Paddy Chayefsky.]


How 2022 Changed Us Forever

[Not sure about that. I still waste a lot of time this year watching that prairie dog on You Tube say Alan!]


Over 80% of Adults Don’t Meet U.S. Strength Guidelines

[Didn’t know there were such Guidelines. Asked everybody at the Pigs Feet BBQ last night and no one there every heard of them. And how do they know 80%? Anybody ask you? Like when Triple AAA says 44 million people will fly this weekend. Anybody ask you if you were going to fly this weekend?]


A Plane Crash 50 Years Ago Changed the Course of U.S. History

[Of course. And had a lot of history books sent back to the printer to add the plane crash to the: “America: 50 Years Ago!” chapter. For the History course.]


Most Powerful Historical Images Will Stay with You for Life

[My storage shed is pretty full right now. Can these just stay with me for…say…ten years? Oh, you mean mentally? That’s pretty full too with the Playmate of the Month images from 1964 through 1978.]


Dog Clears Way for Herd of Cattle in Snow Storm. Internet Can’t Contain Emotions.

[Internet needs to chill. My brother has 2 cats and stayed contained all day.]


What Rich Widow Did Terrified An Entire World

[Texts from Sopchoppy, Florida, and Lagos suburbs indicate some areas of the world still not terrified. Okay, that lady in the upstairs apartment who watches all the soap operas is terrified. So, there’s that.]


These Photographs Will Keep You Awake for Days

[Full Disclosure: I nodded off this morning about 4:00. If these are photos of the new Florida Lottery scratchers, please don’t share this disclosure.]


[In the immortal words of Dave Barry: I’m am not making this up!

These are real headlines.]


Princess Diana Dress One of the Most Iconic Pop Culture Moments in History

[Pretty sure they were not there when Jerry Lee Lewis farted during the mike check.]


One Song From Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper Changed the English Language

[I used to add “Lovely Rita, Meter Maid” to most of my Pizza Hut orders but it just confused them. Texts from Florida panhandle confirm natives there still using original English language.]


Small battery in the back of her neck will be remembered until the end of days.

[Sorry. I had already forgotten this on Thursday.]


The Lamp That’s Taking Over New York

[I forwarded this to the NYPD. Once a crimestopper, always a crimestopper.]


Beyonce’s “Renaissance” was made to last forever

[I plan to use the same company for my new laptop.]


Why Everyone’s Wearing NASA-branded clothes

[Scanned everyone at Fanny’s Friday Flea Market and did not see even one. But deliveries have been slow…with the weather and all.]


Boris Johnson’s resignation one-liner breaks the internet

[My part of the internet is still working. Could have been just the British internet. People probably spilt tea on it.]


NFL World Wants Referee Fired on Sunday Morning

[My NFL World ID card has expired but I still sent in a suggestion that they wait until Monday to give him time to clean out his locker.]


Iconic Actor Completely Unrecognizable As He Appears at Premiere

[How did they know who he was?]


Officials Capture Iconic Mountain Lion in Los Angeles

[In Chicago, he would have been just a basic mountain lion.]


FEBRUARY 2023 - WATCH THIS SPACE

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